Sunday, 1 February 2015

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart."

Happyness is an odd thing. you can appear to be the happiest person on the planet yet deep down you can be harbouring a sadness that is slowly consuming you. great way to start a blog post i know but then this isn't the usual blog post written by the sunshine guy from Gifts from the pirates. The last few weeks have been awful for my poor old brain, it's been dealing with a lot. When you are a blogger, especially a parent blogger there is a certain amount of pressure (or maybe its just me) to be positive and happy. I do a good job of this because i started this blog so that the boys could look back on our life as a family, look back and smile. For those of you that know me in person though and have taken the time to really listen to me you know that i am a very sensitive guy that wears my heart on my sleeve.

Its easy to keep up the pretences of a smiley, happy guy online because it is easy to mask what you are feeling to focus on the positives. Had you have been unlucky enough to have been in my prescence over the last few weeks (and there have been a few of you, thank you), you'll have probably seen a different side of me. For those of you that have been lucky enough to avoid that but are regular visitors to the blog you'll have noticed i had pretty much dropped off the grid. It's amazing how much of an effect issues in your personal life have over your blogging life. I had completely switched off from the internet (apart from my Facebook LEGO swap site, but come on i needed an escape).

Things have not been good in my head over the last few weeks and it has put me in a funk that has been like an enormous hole that i have been falling into. Id love to say I've been strong for the boys but honestly Opeie has seen me in tears more times than i would have liked. Surprisingly for three years old he is a fantastic listener and those hugs and 'daddy you'll be okay' comments have pulled me through to this moment, where i have pushed myself out of my comfort zone to write a blog post to try and get this out of my system.

This life isn't supposed to be easy, i am fully aware of that. Ive had my fair share of awful situations in the past (a lot more than most people deal with in their whole life time) But when something happens that knocks you off that pedestal you feel you are on, it is a real shock to the system.The pressure to stay strong for the people around you can end up pushing you in the opposite direction too. 

All this melancholy aside though the last couple of days (not including the messed up morning i had yesterday, but that's another story) has seemed a lot more positive. A morning in the snow today with the three people i adore the most made me a feel a little more grounded. I needed to get out of the house and that cold fresh air today definitely put me in a happier place. Ever been in that position where you want to take the people closest to you and get them away from everything? well that's kind of how I've felt the last few weeks.

I'm really hoping that the end of this feeling is coming as it's exhausting. I want my happy life back and hopefully this post will get my writing moving in the direction it is supposed to be moving.


Anonymous said...

Chin up winklewah

GiftsFromThePirates said...

Cheers Wike!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...