Thursday, 18 May 2023

'I'll be writing about you for the rest of my life... Line by line"

 I just lay here in bed and took a deep breath before starting to type. This feels HUGE, actually wanting to write again! It's been over a year since my last post and if I'm honest the posts before that (for the last few years at least) had been me, desperate to write but not really knowing how. Ive been feeling for some time like there was a grey cloud hovering over me and that despite all my effort, I just couldn't shift it. So you can imagine the relief at finding myself here, emotionally at one with the world and feeling for the first time in forever like I'm 100% where I am supposed to be. 

Life (as it always tends to) has thrown some pretty shaky curve balls my way (we all get them I know), but I don't feel like I dealt with mine very well, because I simply didn't have the strength. After having a breakdown and hitting probably my lowest point, I tried to drag myself out of the crater of life and claw back a bit of normality, but I just didn't feel right. When you are living in a pit of despair its really difficult to see the light. But then that light can come in many forms... and can hit you like a tonne of bricks as it's brightening up your world.

I'm a firm believer in letting the universe do its thing when it comes to matters of the heart, people come and go, but they are sent to us for a reason. If you're lucky though, that 1 in a million comes along, finds you and unexpectedly knocks you off your feet, mine also sent that grey cloud packing. Life recently has lost a lot of its uncomfortable weight, and I am feeling like a much brighter me. I'm planning again, looking towards a future that I just couldn't see through the head fog. My hurdles are still there and my bringer of light has hurdles of her own but we are doing everything we can to lift each other over them.

This is a feeling I'm not letting go of because it's beautiful. If you're reading this and your world is feeling heavy, stick with the universes plan, It will guild you exactly where you need to be, just believe.

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