"Then come my black days, MAD and loud. I howl. I growl at every cloud."

After a confusing end to 2017 and what can only be described as one of the worst starts to a year I've encountered, I'm trying so hard to not let recent events get the better of me. Writing was always an escape for me but in the last 6 months it has seemed like such a chore and if I'm honest I'm really having to force myself to write this as just seems like too much effort. I'm really hoping though that it somehow flicks a switch on how I am currently feeling, allowing me to get back to where I was last year, as I have so many happy things to write about. As a blogger (especially a family blogger), how you appear on the surface is so important, I never wanted to be one of those writers that is all doom and gloom. It can be really difficult at times though to write about the happy things in your life when inside that couldn't be further from how you actually feel. 

The blog has always been a happy place for me but amongst the back catalogue of unpublished posts that have been written, there is an insight into how I've actually been feeling deep down over the last few years. 

Do you ever feel like for some reason your emotions are completely out of whack?

Well that's pretty much how I am feeling at the moment and if it wasn't for the boys and close friends I honestly don't know how I'd got through to the other side with only this uneasy feeling to show for it all. One thing I have learnt from all this though, is that it's ok to not be Mr Sunshine all the time (although Ive always prided myself on being that happy guy that people generally like). We all have our 'off times' in life and I'm hoping I'm coming to the end of one of mine.

"On Purple Days I'm sad. I groan. I drag my tail. I walk alone."

Do you ever wake up in the morning and instantly feel like you are on the brink of tears?
Emotions are funny things and although I have a very happy life and can nearly always be seen with a big smile on my face, every now and again I have one of these 'out-of-character' days. I have no idea what causes it and definitely have no control over it. A friend informed me that it could be something to do with the new moon??? but I will put it down to just being a pretty sensitive guy.

With the 'Man Up' campaign doing its rounds at the moment, highlighting the importance of expressing our emotions as a male and encouraging men to Cry in a bid to raise awareness of male depression and suicide, it seemed like an important and relevant campaign to mention. I however have absolutely no problem shedding a tear! Put me in front of 'The Holiday', 'Serendipity' or 'Love actually' and you will see this bald, bearded man weep! like I said... sensitive!

This post isn't meant to bring anyone down though. This is actually about what I do to get myself out of this unexpected funk. When I wake up on these rare mornings and have a generally off day, I make sure that on the evening, I give myself some time to pop my headphones in and hit the streets on those amazing wheels of mine. A solo scoot in the moonlight is all I need to sort out this uncontrollable mix of emotions and whizzing about on my own, with great music can really clear my head and make me feel a lot more productive. 

Micro Scooters have changed my world in so many ways and continue to shape the time I spend with the boys. I imagine that it will be quite some time before I have one of these random emotional days again but I can be safe in the knowledge that my wheels are not to far away.