"If you stop struggling, then you stop life."

Day 41:

I feel like I've been on the verge of tears for the last 48 hours and it seems like its getting harder and harder to hold my self together for me and Opeie. My mental health has really taken a beating over the last 2 years and it kind of feels like this whole thing is putting something into motion that I really want to try and avoid. Im a pretty sensitive guy so it was inevitable that I was going to feel like this but there are people in much worse positions than me and I find myself feeling really sad for them too, whoever they are. I'd love to be one of those people that can just switch off sometimes but my head is bustling with information and thoughts and I really struggle some days to slow it down. 

On top of all that I need a cuddle bad, I'm such an affectionate person and the lack of that is really affecting me on a level that I really wasn't expecting, what a mess. Anyway, to try and help me out of my funk today I painted a Rainbow Stag Beetle, which to be fair did the job for an hour or so. I seriously need to keep myself as busy as I can.

Stay safe all, and be kind to yourselves.

"Then come my black days, MAD and loud. I howl. I growl at every cloud."

After a confusing end to 2017 and what can only be described as one of the worst starts to a year I've encountered, I'm trying so hard to not let recent events get the better of me. Writing was always an escape for me but in the last 6 months it has seemed like such a chore and if I'm honest I'm really having to force myself to write this as just seems like too much effort. I'm really hoping though that it somehow flicks a switch on how I am currently feeling, allowing me to get back to where I was last year, as I have so many happy things to write about. As a blogger (especially a family blogger), how you appear on the surface is so important, I never wanted to be one of those writers that is all doom and gloom. It can be really difficult at times though to write about the happy things in your life when inside that couldn't be further from how you actually feel. 

The blog has always been a happy place for me but amongst the back catalogue of unpublished posts that have been written, there is an insight into how I've actually been feeling deep down over the last few years. 

Do you ever feel like for some reason your emotions are completely out of whack?

Well that's pretty much how I am feeling at the moment and if it wasn't for the boys and close friends I honestly don't know how I'd got through to the other side with only this uneasy feeling to show for it all. One thing I have learnt from all this though, is that it's ok to not be Mr Sunshine all the time (although Ive always prided myself on being that happy guy that people generally like). We all have our 'off times' in life and I'm hoping I'm coming to the end of one of mine.

"The power of imagination makes us infinite"

We've been out a lot over the last few months visiting different places and adventuring. Sometimes I feel like we don't spend as much time at home as we should. The evenings are our down time though and that's when we do most of our gaming. There has been a few games keeping Seth occupied during his gaming time recently but for Opeie there is only one he is interested in playing.

Disney infinity 3.0 has got to be the most played game in our home and with the enormous selection of Disney characters to choose from spanning over decades of those movies we all love in some way, I can definitely see the appeal.

After buying Opeie the inside out level pack he was even more hooked and eager to get his hands on the remaining three characters. Since Christmas though I have been more aware of the amount of cool stuff that the boys receive through the blog and I don't want them to forget what is important, so we have set up games and tasks and Opeie had to earn them through fun tasks and activities. The great thing about this was that not only did he get something that he really wanted but that he was full of pride for achieving each one, Go Opeie!

Disgust, Anger and Sadness are a great addition to the Inside out levels. With each character having a different ability or skill, having the other characters to play with makes progressing through the levels that little bit smoother.

Disney Infinity is going to be about for some time, that's clear! It's lovely to have something that me and Opeie can sit and play together and I really believe that our co-op strategic playing together adds another level to our awesome relationship. Since earning these too Opeie was bought the recent Hulkbuster character on a shopping trip with Nanny Roo too which is one of my favourites to play with. With Opeie's birthday just around the corner he now has his eyes on Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde from Zootopia and I wouldn't mind getting my hands on Vision and Ant-man, Awesome!!!