"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."

Gifts from the pirates blossomed from the early days of becoming a step-dad. I had never been in a relationship with anyone with a child before and it was a real life changing experience for me. One of the hardest things to try and get around was how to react to a child that wasn't mine when they were acting up, in many ways in those early days I was still the guardian as such but there are lines that I feel you don't cross and working out the guidelines for that can be tough.

This is why I created 'The Pirates', a way of communicating with Seth about his behaviour without having to cross any of those lines. He was never a naughty kid but he did know how to throw a tantrum of epic proportions. The Pirates were a crew of magical folk that kept an eye on his behaviour and kept him in check, rewarding him when he deserved it. They visited many times over those first few years but in no time at all Seth had calmed down.

I never really needed to use them with Opeie as he has always been so relaxed, but there was a few times that they visited during the night to leave him something when he had done something awesome. Aside from naming the blog after them, I thought I had long ago got to the point where they were no longer needed. That was until recently. I met up with a friend last week and we got chatting about school etc as the holidays are coming to an end and she started telling me about how much her little boy had changed on the build up to him starting school this year. She said that he had become very anxious and didn't want to talk about it at all and that she was really starting to worry. The conversation got me thinking a lot about the complete change in Opeie's personality during the few weeks that he attended nursery . The whole thing really played on my mind and then a couple of days later I was talking to my friend again and her little boy had accidentally completely destroyed his favourite sword. I felt like the poor kid was having a tough time so later that day I messaged and said ask him what sort of sword he would like and I'll make it for him, but don't tell him.

She messaged back with a drawing that he had done with his mom and he said that he would really love a rainbow sword with an anchor on. As with most creative things I do, I had no idea what I was doing, Its all about the winging it with me. So I searched the shed looking for wood and got to work. While I was In the garden sawing away I started thinking again about his anxiety and Opeie's face over this nursery months and that's when I thought the Pirates might come in handy again, So I wrote a letter from that very famous pirate Captain Rainbow beard...

After a secret stealth mission with the boys today, sneaking the sword and letter around to their house, I received a lovely message that I will never forget from my friend saying how much it meant to her and Euan. As expected he loved the sword but more importantly liked the fact that he was contacted by rainbow beard and was excited about being part of his crew.This of course was lovely to read, but that was topped an hour or so later when she messaged to say that he had packed his school bag ready (despite not starting for another 5 days), and this from an anxious child that didn't even want to talk about going to school. 

It turns out that the newest member of our recently expanding crew couldn't wait to write to his captain and drew a lovely picture of rainbow beard which he dropped in the post box earlier (with a starburst). So I should probably get creating the next letter which I shall probably make sure has arrived on the morning of his first school day, to give him that extra boost of bravery for his big day.

It's situations like this that reinforce my whole philosophy that a little bit of effort and randomness really goes a long way and can have such a great impact on a Childs emotional well being.

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child."

After all of the excitement of the Christmas holiday it has been a smooth transition back in to our weekly routine of adventuring for me and Opeie and school runs and making sure Seth has everything he needs. Going back to school wasn't all doom and gloom for Seth though as  it gave us the chance to get back in to meeting him from school on our Micro scooters and adventuring around the local lake. We don't live anywhere near the school so we can't scoot home. Instead me and Opeie park the car a distance away and pack Seth's folded scooter into my backpack and tie the zips together to hold it in place (stylish).

Last week me and Opeie scooted to the school and could see Seth in his classroom getting ready to come out. When Seth got to he said that his friends had said "woah! is that your step dad? his scooter is awesome!". I maybe the cool scooting step dad now but it will soon be the embarrassing scooting step dad during his teenage years I expect, so I'll lap up all the cool points I can get now haha.

After a day of school, the scooters are great for taking in all the things outdoors, talking about the weather, the animals we can see and planning all the things we are going to be doing throughout the week, Scooting is perfect father/Son bonding time. It is also great for burning off that excess energy and giving Seth a chance to let out his crazy side.

Happy scooting ya'll.

 

"Wingediet: When you eat nothing but Giraffe wings!"

It's my favourite time of year again and despite the attempted wake up call at 5am yesterday, i loved being woken up by two excited boys eager to dish out the fruits of their artistic labour. The boys have been secretly working on cards and i love the excitement in the air on the build up to fathers day. I used to like all the secrecy myself when i was growing up. It does make me feel a little sad now though that my own dad has failed to step up and make the effort over the years. 

Anyway, yesterday was awesome, a relaxing day playing with the boys and taking time to spend quality time with them is what fathers day is all about. They make me feel like the luckiest dad on the planet and Seth especially has been the cutest. Being a step dad can be difficult at times but hardships aside my relationship with Seth has blossomed over the years.

What i love about Seth and Opeie is how they fully appreciate what me and Mrs M do for them. They are thoughtful and caring boys and everyone comments on how lovely they both are.

(Opeie shamelessly revealed my true age on this card, I'm still looking good for it though)

Fathers day ended with a family game of scrabble which left us all in hysterics when Seth attempted to play 'iet' off of 'winged'. The word was crazy enough but it was followed by a very sleepy Mrs M explaining that a 'wingediet' is when you eat nothing but Giraffe wings, she's a crazy woman! A great end to a fun day with my special boys.

I hope you all had an amazing fathers day.



 

"Sometimes you are catapulted in to the world of parenting, skipping the baby years and are faced straight away with a confused toddler"

Because Seth isn't with us all the time the blog features Opeie so much more. I never wanted it to be that way but it just seems to be the way its gone. Seth is such a huge part of my life and i will always see him as my first son. I wrote this post a few weeks back when i was thinking about everything we have been through together as a family... enjoy.

The bond between parent and child is one that is very special and something that is grown and nurtured from birth. If you fully embrace it it will flourish from day one and keep growing indefinitely. As romantic as this ideal sounds though, Sometimes like my own experience you are catapulted in to the world of parenting, skipping the baby years and are faced straight away with a confused toddler wondering who you are.  I first met Seth at the age of three, i had been seeing Mrs M for a couple of months and she had made the important decision to hold off introducing me until our relationship was something serious.

I fell in love with him that very first meeting and as i picked up his toy box with him sitting in it and began to fly him around the room i knew instantly there was a special connection and that things were going to be great. I had craved a family from the age of around 16 but i was creeping up to 30 before meeting the one. Our time together was (and still is) filled with laughter and fun and as the months went by mine and Seth's relationship blossomed. For months i viewed him as Laura's son but some amazing news the day after my 30th birthday, set in to motion a relationship i wasn't expecting.

I was going to be a dad, and have a child that in all tense and purposes was mine, that was an extremely exiting thought and something i had always dreamed of. The smiles and excitement soon turned to worry and upset though and as Seth's beautiful mom fell very ill and spent many weeks in hospital. To say it turned our world around was an understatement, but despite the hardships and the emotional roller coaster, it turned out to be an amazing thing for mine and Seth's father/son relationship and it shaped the love and affection we have for each other today.

The events of our pregnancy pushed me to drop out of university and i also left work as i had to look after Seth, this was uncommon ground for me and i wont lie, for someone who had spent most of his life looking after only himself this was frightening. Any money we had saved had soon gone, i wasn't driving at that point so travel costs back and forth to a hospital over 20 miles away had eaten up everything. Things got so tough that it got to the point where me and Seth were waking up in the morning, walking almost 2 miles to the train station, avoiding the ticket guy for the 20 miles of the journey and then walking almost 2 1/2 miles from the station to the hospital, every day. Some days we would arrive for the morning visiting slot and hang around the hospital until 9pm. It was heartbreaking seeing Mrs M suffering but we were there for her, as a family. It opened my eyes to how parenting should be, the effort i put in to keeping Seth's mind away from the more serious issues that we're unfolding was exhausting, we built a base in a weeping willow on the hospital grounds, we went on adventures between visiting slots, we read books and lay on the grass for hours telling stories. As much as i was doing everything i could for him he was unknowingly doing just as much for me and was keeping me grounded.

Thankfully those months passed, our youngest arrived, despite even more drama (but that's another story) and Mrs M gradually got back to full health, but that lesson in parenting never went away and that same amount of effort and attention is today how i spend my days taking care of both of my boys. Sometimes its the hardships in life that get you where you need to be emotionally and bring out a side of you that can sometimes be buried deep. I'll never forget the story of how mine and my step sons relationship grew and how much we relied on each other to get us through a pretty dark time. I will always view Seth as my first child and thanks to Mrs M i have now been lucky enough to be given the chance to fully embrace this side of me and become a stay at home dad.

I may not have had the baby years with Seth but the experiences we have shared together since that special day that we met has more than made up for that and the tough times we shared together have built a relationship that is fit for any doting father.