"When one has not had a good father, one must create one."

Day 93:

Fathers day has always been one of my favourite days of the year and this one was lush, I got breakfast and coffee in bed, a lovely card and most importantly lots of cuddles. The weather wasn't great but we managed to find a spot by the river in Jackfield where we could park, open the boot and paint in the back of the car while it thrashed it down, perfection.

"Insomnia is a vertiginous lucidity that can convert paradise itself into a place of torture."

Day 87:

Life is really starting to get me down, It seems like the only thing I can get right these days is being a dad, which to be fair is a pretty good job as I love that kid to bits. It doesn't look like I'm going to be sleeping tonight as my head is so busy and I'm struggling to clear the noise, so I decided to paint, because it's one of the few things that seems to calm me these days. I'm so thankful for this creative brain of mine, I feel like I'd be a wreck without it.

Struggling to sleep yourself? Heres some handy information from Snoozy Monk about insomnia to get you through.

"Treat your friends as you do your best pictures, and place them in their best light."

Day 85:

Ive distanced myself from FB since all this lockdown craziness started but today I signed in and was greeted by this and it really perked me up. This smug face (because of that amazing boy of mine) hasn't changed in the 9 years he's been with me. Becoming a dad was my defining moment and it has shaped everything I have done since that special day. Ive been through happy times, Ive been through heartbreaking times but he's been there next to me through it all. Theres not a person on this planet I could love more, my best friend. 

"Smile is a good reply to the dark world."

Day 67:

Life can throw some serious curve balls at times. The last few days have been awful, If it wasn't for the endless smiles caused by Baby Yoda being delivered today I think I may have had a mini breakdown. One thing I can always rely on is this little dude being there to pick me up when I'm having an emotionally challenging day. Being a dad (especially to this superstar) is what life is all about. 

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

My relationship with my dad has been a confusing one over the years. I spent my entire childhood looking up to him and really respecting him for holding down 3 jobs and working hard to keep us all happy. That pedestal that I had put him on for so many years was sadly shattered though, when he told me some home truths as an adult about how he really felt about me as a child and although our relationship and contact had been on an off for a long time, I never looked at him the same again. We've not spoken now for around 7 years, which could be seen as quite sad, but when you have a parent that doesn't bring anything to the relationship then in my view you are better off without them.

The one thing I can thank him for though is showing me how to be a father, there's always that fear becoming a parent when you have come from a broken and disruptive family life, that there will be a knock-on effect and you will unknowingly follow in your parents way of doing things. Thankfully I began this amazing parenting adventure with that thought at the forefront of my mind and I deviated from my unnecessary concerns and took my parenting in the opposite direction.

If I am honest, I rarely think about my dad, but as I stood on the beach last week playing frisbee with Opeie, I told him that playing frisbee was one of the only happy things I can remember about my time spent with my own dad. Opeie looked shocked and said 'that's really sad'. He asked questions and I tried to explain, but when you are from a loving family and you spend so much happy time with your dad, I imagine it is had to understand that family can be so cruel. It did make me feel a little sad, but I think that was mainly because of Opeie's reaction to the conversation. I've never known a 5-year-old with the emotional intelligence that he has. That afternoon reinforced how I feel about my family and made me more determined to do everything I can to nurture this relationship I have with Seth and Opeie so that our happy time together isn't diluted to one insignificant moment, like throwing a frisbee.

"Being a father, being a friend, those are the things that make me feel successful."

I'm not usually a fan of being woken up early in the morning before I'm ready to get out of bed. For the last 6 and a half years though it has pretty much become the norm. Becoming a father means giving up many of the luxuries that you become quite accustomed to over the years, which doesn't sound great, but what you get in its place is a sense of purpose and an unconditional love that you could never get anywhere else. Becoming a dad for me was my defining moment, and from that moment I felt like my life had finally started and everything about this new path was glowing.

Every day feels like fathers day to me and being the stay at home parent makes me feel like that even more. Yesterday as I was woken by the usual "Daaaaaaad" it seemed like the start of every other amazing family morning but this time, there was an extra pitch of excitement in Opeie's voice and he wanted me awake right away because he had something very important he wanted to give me. Walking through the house and seeing colourful decorations everywhere and handmade cards are going to make any doting father feel very special.

Yesterday as always was a great day and that amazing little boy of mine that fills my world with complete happiness yet again reinforced the importance of having a loving and caring family around me. It was a shame that Seth wasn't there too but we have more than made up for it after school today by starting a new project so we can spend some quality creative time together. 

The only thing that did get me a little down yesterday was thinking about my own dad and how disappointed I am that he let our relationship go the way that it did. We're on different paths now but I will always hope that he is happy. Becoming a parent isn't something you go into lightly, you have to make an enormous amount of effort every day to make sure your children develop in the happy and content way that they should. I can go to sleep every night knowing that I have done everything I can to show them how much I adore them both and how proud I am of the little gents they've become.

Happy belated fathers day to all you amazing dads out there!

"If you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on."

There are so many great milestones growing up as a child and as a parent, being able to experience each one is priceless. your child's first steps, words, tooth are moments that you will never forget and being able to watch them develop, while maturing as an adult yourself is (for me) beautiful. These amazing moments don't seem to end and if you are an active parent who gives your child the love and attention they deserve you can be right there with them as they make discoveries of the things they are capable of. 

as these amazing children get older and start to realise more just how awesome they are and whats going on, when there make these findings the pride that they feel themselves is really infectious and if you've been there to help them get to that point the excitement and pride in yourself as a parent can be euphoric.

I was lucky enough last week to experience this from both of the boys and it left me feeling like a pretty awesome dad (but then having two amazing children makes me feel like that most days). Opeie had completely thrown me earlier in the week when he tackled a rock climbing wall, despite me thinking there was no chance he would even give it a chance (i feel pretty guilty for that now). 

Later in the week though it was Seth's turn and again i didn't expect the ask to work out so easily. He came home from school the week before excited about a cycling class at school that was coming up and how he had signed himself up. He told us all about it and said it sounds like lots of fun, the only issue was that he hadn't asked to go on his bike for quite sometime due to finding it difficult to ride with stabilisers on. Seth had made it clear the last time he had his bike out that he was frustrated that he was struggling and because of his muscle condition we didn't want to push him.

So we aggree'd that last Sunday was going to be our 'Teach Seth to learn to ride his bike afternoon', We got his bike out of the shed and i took the stabilisers off straight away, there was no point beating around the bush, he wanted to ride his bike properly and his determination was enough to know not to pussy foot about, he meant business. I think Seth had got it in to his head that the whole learning to ride a bike thing was going to take weeks but as i walked along the road with him holding his coat to steady him i could feel that he was shifting his weight to balance himself and i just let go. We'd been out roughly 3 minutes and he was peddling a bike without stabilisers.

 (I used to stick my tongue out when i was concentrating too, clearly it was helping him balance)

So cycling in a straight line was a doddle! the turn at the end of the road however was not and he quickly lost his footing and fell. Luckily i had been jogging along behind him and caught him before hitting the floor. There's no time for thinking about what went wrong, best to just get back on and try again. That turn caused problems for at least 8 or 9 attempts but eventually Seth nailed it. A quick pat on the back and hair ruffle and i send him on his way to turn in the opposite direction (he would never get anywhere if he could only turn right).

Seth clearly couldn't believe what was happening, his happy little face had a smile from ear to ear (even if his tongue was hanging out concentrating).Watching him ride about knowing it was me that got him there as well as his determination was a great feeling but the hug i got afterwards and the 'thank you so much for teaching me how to ride my bike and helping me, i love you' just makes all this parenting worth while. When your children really look up to you there is no better feeling.

I'm looking forward to the boys next big venture whatever it may be.

"Sometimes you are catapulted in to the world of parenting, skipping the baby years and are faced straight away with a confused toddler"

Because Seth isn't with us all the time the blog features Opeie so much more. I never wanted it to be that way but it just seems to be the way its gone. Seth is such a huge part of my life and i will always see him as my first son. I wrote this post a few weeks back when i was thinking about everything we have been through together as a family... enjoy.

The bond between parent and child is one that is very special and something that is grown and nurtured from birth. If you fully embrace it it will flourish from day one and keep growing indefinitely. As romantic as this ideal sounds though, Sometimes like my own experience you are catapulted in to the world of parenting, skipping the baby years and are faced straight away with a confused toddler wondering who you are.  I first met Seth at the age of three, i had been seeing Mrs M for a couple of months and she had made the important decision to hold off introducing me until our relationship was something serious.

I fell in love with him that very first meeting and as i picked up his toy box with him sitting in it and began to fly him around the room i knew instantly there was a special connection and that things were going to be great. I had craved a family from the age of around 16 but i was creeping up to 30 before meeting the one. Our time together was (and still is) filled with laughter and fun and as the months went by mine and Seth's relationship blossomed. For months i viewed him as Laura's son but some amazing news the day after my 30th birthday, set in to motion a relationship i wasn't expecting.

I was going to be a dad, and have a child that in all tense and purposes was mine, that was an extremely exiting thought and something i had always dreamed of. The smiles and excitement soon turned to worry and upset though and as Seth's beautiful mom fell very ill and spent many weeks in hospital. To say it turned our world around was an understatement, but despite the hardships and the emotional roller coaster, it turned out to be an amazing thing for mine and Seth's father/son relationship and it shaped the love and affection we have for each other today.

The events of our pregnancy pushed me to drop out of university and i also left work as i had to look after Seth, this was uncommon ground for me and i wont lie, for someone who had spent most of his life looking after only himself this was frightening. Any money we had saved had soon gone, i wasn't driving at that point so travel costs back and forth to a hospital over 20 miles away had eaten up everything. Things got so tough that it got to the point where me and Seth were waking up in the morning, walking almost 2 miles to the train station, avoiding the ticket guy for the 20 miles of the journey and then walking almost 2 1/2 miles from the station to the hospital, every day. Some days we would arrive for the morning visiting slot and hang around the hospital until 9pm. It was heartbreaking seeing Mrs M suffering but we were there for her, as a family. It opened my eyes to how parenting should be, the effort i put in to keeping Seth's mind away from the more serious issues that we're unfolding was exhausting, we built a base in a weeping willow on the hospital grounds, we went on adventures between visiting slots, we read books and lay on the grass for hours telling stories. As much as i was doing everything i could for him he was unknowingly doing just as much for me and was keeping me grounded.

Thankfully those months passed, our youngest arrived, despite even more drama (but that's another story) and Mrs M gradually got back to full health, but that lesson in parenting never went away and that same amount of effort and attention is today how i spend my days taking care of both of my boys. Sometimes its the hardships in life that get you where you need to be emotionally and bring out a side of you that can sometimes be buried deep. I'll never forget the story of how mine and my step sons relationship grew and how much we relied on each other to get us through a pretty dark time. I will always view Seth as my first child and thanks to Mrs M i have now been lucky enough to be given the chance to fully embrace this side of me and become a stay at home dad.

I may not have had the baby years with Seth but the experiences we have shared together since that special day that we met has more than made up for that and the tough times we shared together have built a relationship that is fit for any doting father.

For me, every day is like fathers day.

Fathers day is my favourite time of year, not because i crave the attention, i get all the daddy attention i need every day, but because its a day that celebrates everything i hold dearest to me. Being a dad has completely changed my perspective on life and it is bettering me as a person more and more as the days go by. After craving children for so many years it so lovely to feel like I'm exactly where i am supposed to be now. it is lovely also to wake up to Opeie though waving a card he has made and shouting 'happy daddies day'.

This year Opeie's card was me if i was an Octonaut.

The card was brought to me in a box made of Duplo that lasted about 20 seconds before crumbling before my eyes, bless his wobbly hands. And a special gift inside a Custom Lego box which also put a big smile on my face especially when Mrs M informed me that it took her an hour and a half to make. 

I feel like the luckiest guy on the plane, I hope all you dads out there had an amazing fathers day.

"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father."

 Fathers day is obviously one of my favourite days of the year, not because i love gifts or being made a fuss of but because being a dad is what takes up all of my time, my family is the most important thing to me and having a day where that is celebrated is lovely. To be honest though everyday is like fathers day really, i am rewarded daily by two beautiful children who never cease to surprise me with how loving, thoughtful and intelligent they both are and a fiance that treats me like a princess and shows me every day how much she loves me. What more could a boy ask for?

Yesterday i was woken by Mrs M and Opeie who was clutching a beautiful card that they had made for me. It was 6am and because of not going to bed till 1am last night because i was playing with Lego i was shattered. I couldn't get my eyes to focus to read the card so Mrs M kindly ready for me. I love home made cards from the boys and this one was amazing with a Dr Seuss origami shirt and tie on the front (clever) and Opeie's trademark drawn round hands which he loves doing, in keeping with the Seuss theme there was a Seussian rhyme inside.

Mrs M and the boys had also brought me some Dr Seuss books that I'd not seen before for our collection which was really thoughtful and will keep me occupied for a while.

There was one more gift and Mrs M was beyond excited about giving it to me (she's so cute). I had no idea what it was but it put a huge smile on my face. Mrs M had found me a limited edition Dr Seuss print 'P for Papa', I love it obviously for what it is/says but also because the image is taken from the Seuss ABC book which was the first Dr Seuss book i read to Opeie, I can't wait to get it framed and on the wall it's going to look amazing.

I had such a great day which of course was made better when Seth came home, we had really missed him this weekend. Seth said he really loves me and wishes there was a stepdad day which i thought was really sweet. There was a lovely end to the day when we got to spend the afternoon with more people that i love being around, Mrs M's Mom and Dad.

I thought today about my friends Danni and Dave who have just had a little boy and Andy and Sarah who have just had a little girl, i bet its really exciting for them having their first Fathers day, i remember how i felt last year it was such a great feeling (if you remember the post last year).

I feel so lucky everyday for the amazing family i have, there's so many dads out there that don't want to make any effort with their children (mine included), they don't know what they are missing. I give my boys everything i am but i get so much more in return, they are my best friends and are a permanent reminder of the man i was always meant to be.

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone"

 I haven't written one of my waiting in the car posts for a while and now I find myself parked outside the supermarket with that little cutie asleep in the back. Recently I have found that time on my own as brief as it is has been a bit grim, my mind wanders to thoughts of people that have let me down in the past. I do everything in my power to make sure that the boys are happy, the main reason being... well I'm a dad what dad doesn't want to see a big smile on his children's faces! But a small fraction of it is to make up for my own relatives who have turned out to be a huge disappointment. I tend to hear "you can't chose your family' quite a lot, but can you imagine if you had that option, being in a position where you wouldn't actually choose a single one of your apparent family members? 

I've come to realise over the last 2 years that in regards to my relations I am all alone. I like to think that despite this I embrace my situation. It means all that love and attention that I was spreading about isn't wasted, I can concentrate on the important people, the people that appreciate me and want to be a part of my family. I'm thankful for them and they are the reason I smile 99% of the time. I honestly don't know how i'd cope without the boys and that beautiful lady of mine. Coming to terms with the reality of things was hard, no one wants to admit that their family members have no consideration for them, but I know my life is better without them and is moving forward and blossoming the way it should.

So why is it that on these rare occasions that I am alone my mind wanders. I'm not angry, I'm not really upset I just feel low? I guess that over the years i have expected far to much of these people and was innevitably setting myself up for a fall. how hard is it for people to just be nice? I didn't really want to write anything negative on the blog and i certainly didn't want this to come across as a rant but as its for the boys to read when their older I think it's important for them to know how I have been moulded into the father that I am. I take having a family very seriously and I would give them boys everything I had. I will never give them reason to be disappointed in me.

Playing with your children... "unless you're a moron, why wouldn't you get bored?"

Nothing on the internet has made me angry until today, there's so much rubbish about to read but it can all be taken with a pinch of salt. I love writing the blog but I don't tend to sit on the computer for hours reading articles and posts that don't draw me in straight away. My friend Alice from bigmilkthing sent me this article and even though I'm a really laid back guy that doesn't let anything get to me, this made my blood boil and I am really disappointed that someone like parentdish would publish it. First the article:

(click the link below)

 

Why playing with your children can be (whisper it) a little bit boring

I was limited to 3000 characters in the comment box so I thought something like this needed to be put in to a post as it is relevant to blog and what I'm all about as a parent, so here is my (extended response).

When i found out me and my partner were expecting our first child I knew that I wanted my son to completely adore me, I mean what father wouldn't? i didn't have a great relationship with my own father growing up and I didn't want that for me and my children. I have a step son from my partners previous relationship who on a daily basis tells me that I am his best friend and am also his favourite person to play with, this isn't because he is shy and he doesn't have issues talking to other children, he is a very outgoing child.. This has nothing to do with me being a 'moron' and I'm not even sure what 'obsessed parents' is supposed to mean? 

 The problem isn't that your children are boring its that firstly most parents seem to have no idea how to talk or communicate at all to their children, you don't have to talk to them in baby talk or act like an idiot. Just talk to them like adults and if they don't understand what your saying then explain what you mean (sadly parents think their lives are to hectic for this level of commitment). The second major issue is that most parents have no imagination and rather than actually listen to what their children are talking about and get involved they would rather make a coffee, put their feet up and apparently watch Jeremy Kyle,  if what i hear on the school playground is anything to go by. 

Try and think back to when you were a child, what did you love to do? My eldest loves hearing stories about all the things I got up to growing up and these stories open up his own imagination. I used to love 'making bases' so how hard is it to take a couple of hours to make a base in the house with some sheets? Lego was a big thing for me when i was younger and I have introduced my boys to this and its something we do together when the weather isn't great and were stuck indoors. My boys love playing dress up and Ive been known to don a Captain America outfit and run around with them playing 'The Avengers', it puts a smile on their faces and if you don't want that as a parent then it says a lot about your parenting skills. 

All it takes is a little effort and some imagination. I play with my boys everyday which is why I started our blog giftsfromthepirates.com as a kind of online diary for them to look back on and also to show other parents that read the blog that spending time with your children is a never ending amount of fun. Your commitment to your children doesn't end at changing nappies, cooking food and bathing etc. I have a feeling that the article was written to make waves and get a response, I'm quite shocked that parentdish have posted such offensive material and to label a parent a moron for wanting to get involved in the development of their child is a ridiculous comment to make. 

Your children want to spend time with you, they want you to interact with them and take an interest in what they are doing, this may not always be the case, these could be the golden years in your time as a parent so you should be making the most of every spare minute you have with them. Yes you have many mundane things to do, we all do but if you communicate with your children and explain that sometimes adults have grown up things to take care of but you still take some time to give them the attention they deserve then they will understand and in time respect you for that. 

Too many parents that I come in to contact with seem to have gone in to the whole parenting thing half arsed. When you decide to have children it is a huge commitment, yes your going to have to watch Children's TV and play with toys but your making them happy, Isn't this the thing you want the most? a happy family and children that want to spend time with you? I cant believe that in the article there were so many ridiculous comments from apparent parents. I'll be honest i just feel sorry for the children as apparently "parts of the business of child-rearing are, frankly, dull.". I could go on and on but i feel that doing so would just make me more and more angry. I love and respect my children, I'm there when their happy, I'm there when their sad and I'm there if they want me to build them a hideout in the back garden and dress up like a super villain. Its all part of being a great parent.

I will agree with one part of the article though the "creaking knees" can be a pain.

Anyway rant over, I'm happy in the fact that I am putting everything I can it to my relationship with my boys.

Pauly (a doting, not obsessed parent)

"round and round the garden, like a teddy bear, one step, two step, tickle you under there"

I had a lovely day planned for me and Opeie but it didn't work out the way i expected. The inevitable falling asleep in the car kicked off proceedings (Opeie not me, that would have been a different post all together). Then silly me not having ANY change for the car park (because despite running about packing a suitcase sized bag with everything Opeie needs i ALWAYS manage to forget something) which ended in us going home. Opeie slept for 2 hours which isn't like him at all, he was obviously shattered and hes not been feeling great this week with his poor teeth.

I made him a nice lunch and then we headed to the park. Opeie loves going on the swings. When your older you tend to forget how exciting going to the park was. My dad used to take us pretty much every sunday which was always nice. My favourite part was playing frisbee with him though, which i look forward to doing with Opeie.

The most appealing thing about the park (apart from the big smile on my sons face) is the fact that there is no need to spend any money. Lets face it the summer holidays can end up getting quite pricey. Its nice to be able to break up all the activities that cost with good old park time.

Remember the time when a stick or even a rock could bring you none stop enjoyment? how i miss those days. Opeie spent quite sometime investigating this piece of bark, I'm not sure why that piece stood out from the rest and he didn't let me in on his findings.

This is a bit of a lazy post i know but i had the camera with me so i thought i would snap away. We had planned to go and see Mrs M's folks before going to get her from work so we were just killing time. Opeie did the usual and started trying to steal my accessories so i just left him to it today (thankfully he didnt break my glasses).

 I guess he just wants to be like his dad, hopefully he will manage to keep hold of his hair for a bit longer than me though. We left the park and Opeie was shattered, after an hour and a half at the inlaws he had had enough and dropped off in the car (again) on the way to pick up Mrs M. So not quite the day we had planned but we got to spend it together. First thing tomorrow i will be filling the car with car park change.