Thursday 23 March 2017

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

My relationship with my dad has been a confusing one over the years. I spent my entire childhood looking up to him and really respecting him for holding down 3 jobs and working hard to keep us all happy. That pedestal that I had put him on for so many years was sadly shattered though, when he told me some home truths as an adult about how he really felt about me as a child and although our relationship and contact had been on an off for a long time, I never looked at him the same again. We've not spoken now for around 7 years, which could be seen as quite sad, but when you have a parent that doesn't bring anything to the relationship then in my view you are better off without them.

The one thing I can thank him for though is showing me how to be a father, there's always that fear becoming a parent when you have come from a broken and disruptive family life, that there will be a knock-on effect and you will unknowingly follow in your parents way of doing things. Thankfully I began this amazing parenting adventure with that thought at the forefront of my mind and I deviated from my unnecessary concerns and took my parenting in the opposite direction.

If I am honest, I rarely think about my dad, but as I stood on the beach last week playing frisbee with Opeie, I told him that playing frisbee was one of the only happy things I can remember about my time spent with my own dad. Opeie looked shocked and said 'that's really sad'. He asked questions and I tried to explain, but when you are from a loving family and you spend so much happy time with your dad, I imagine it is had to understand that family can be so cruel. It did make me feel a little sad, but I think that was mainly because of Opeie's reaction to the conversation. I've never known a 5-year-old with the emotional intelligence that he has. That afternoon reinforced how I feel about my family and made me more determined to do everything I can to nurture this relationship I have with Seth and Opeie so that our happy time together isn't diluted to one insignificant moment, like throwing a frisbee.

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