It's 10:45am and I am parked up in the car on a miserable day feeling pretty miserable myself. People always say when you have children time flies by and when you don't have children you think 'yeah yeah'. Peoples comments though, no matter how often you hear them don't prepare you for your life moving in to warp speed. Ive been dreading this day for around a year and the build up to it has got harder and harder.
Today was Opeies Nursery trial day and was the first time we have left Opeie with someone else and it's heartbreaking. He's always been right at my side apart from one afternoon where I left him with our friend Chris for 20 minutes while I had something to do (I thought I was going to be sick the whole 20 minutes and couldn't stop shaking). Yes I know it probably sounds mental but he's such a huge part of me and being away from him really isn't a nice feeling.
We were really careful when choosing Opeie's nursery, we knew exactly what we didn't want and were lucky enough to find what we did early in our search, it didn't make this day any easier though. When I woke up this morning I felt a wreck. We packed his bag and got him ready and Opeie was in a very happy mood, completely unaware of where he was going.
We arrived at the nursery and as I expected the staff put me at ease. We chatted while Opeie played and he looked relaxed but sadly it was a completely different story for me as I was desperately trying to fight back the tears. There was a chance that when we left Opeie would panic and be really upset and although that thought was quite upsetting the thing that was worrying me more was him not being like that. I know that comment sounds awful and of course I don't ever want him to be upset but selfishly I'm worried about becoming obsolete and also the thought that we will be paying someone else to have fun with my best friend just doesn't seem right.
I planned on staying at the nursery as long as I could but as I watched Opeie happily playing with the other children I decided I needed to just get a grip. I told him I was going and he gave me a kiss and said 'Okay' no questions asked. He's becoming so independent and it scares me, he'll be at school before we know it and then what will I do with myself?
I planned on sitting in the car for the 3 hours he was there without us but we had a text from the nursery saying he had been fine and had even happily gone to the loo himself so we headed home. The drive back felt so weird without him being in the back and when we got home we practically sat in silence on the sofa, what were we meant to do now? before we knew it though it was soon time for us to head back and get him and we couldn't wait. Our happy eco system was finally restored and although Opeie looked shattered he was happy and excited, telling us what he had been up to. Today was just a trial day but he'll start soon and I have no idea how I'll feel, but as Ive realised today its not all about me, its about my best friend who I have been smitten by since day one.
I planned on staying at the nursery as long as I could but as I watched Opeie happily playing with the other children I decided I needed to just get a grip. I told him I was going and he gave me a kiss and said 'Okay' no questions asked. He's becoming so independent and it scares me, he'll be at school before we know it and then what will I do with myself?
I planned on sitting in the car for the 3 hours he was there without us but we had a text from the nursery saying he had been fine and had even happily gone to the loo himself so we headed home. The drive back felt so weird without him being in the back and when we got home we practically sat in silence on the sofa, what were we meant to do now? before we knew it though it was soon time for us to head back and get him and we couldn't wait. Our happy eco system was finally restored and although Opeie looked shattered he was happy and excited, telling us what he had been up to. Today was just a trial day but he'll start soon and I have no idea how I'll feel, but as Ive realised today its not all about me, its about my best friend who I have been smitten by since day one.
