"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."

Gifts from the pirates blossomed from the early days of becoming a step-dad. I had never been in a relationship with anyone with a child before and it was a real life changing experience for me. One of the hardest things to try and get around was how to react to a child that wasn't mine when they were acting up, in many ways in those early days I was still the guardian as such but there are lines that I feel you don't cross and working out the guidelines for that can be tough.

This is why I created 'The Pirates', a way of communicating with Seth about his behaviour without having to cross any of those lines. He was never a naughty kid but he did know how to throw a tantrum of epic proportions. The Pirates were a crew of magical folk that kept an eye on his behaviour and kept him in check, rewarding him when he deserved it. They visited many times over those first few years but in no time at all Seth had calmed down.

I never really needed to use them with Opeie as he has always been so relaxed, but there was a few times that they visited during the night to leave him something when he had done something awesome. Aside from naming the blog after them, I thought I had long ago got to the point where they were no longer needed. That was until recently. I met up with a friend last week and we got chatting about school etc as the holidays are coming to an end and she started telling me about how much her little boy had changed on the build up to him starting school this year. She said that he had become very anxious and didn't want to talk about it at all and that she was really starting to worry. The conversation got me thinking a lot about the complete change in Opeie's personality during the few weeks that he attended nursery . The whole thing really played on my mind and then a couple of days later I was talking to my friend again and her little boy had accidentally completely destroyed his favourite sword. I felt like the poor kid was having a tough time so later that day I messaged and said ask him what sort of sword he would like and I'll make it for him, but don't tell him.

She messaged back with a drawing that he had done with his mom and he said that he would really love a rainbow sword with an anchor on. As with most creative things I do, I had no idea what I was doing, Its all about the winging it with me. So I searched the shed looking for wood and got to work. While I was In the garden sawing away I started thinking again about his anxiety and Opeie's face over this nursery months and that's when I thought the Pirates might come in handy again, So I wrote a letter from that very famous pirate Captain Rainbow beard...

After a secret stealth mission with the boys today, sneaking the sword and letter around to their house, I received a lovely message that I will never forget from my friend saying how much it meant to her and Euan. As expected he loved the sword but more importantly liked the fact that he was contacted by rainbow beard and was excited about being part of his crew.This of course was lovely to read, but that was topped an hour or so later when she messaged to say that he had packed his school bag ready (despite not starting for another 5 days), and this from an anxious child that didn't even want to talk about going to school. 

It turns out that the newest member of our recently expanding crew couldn't wait to write to his captain and drew a lovely picture of rainbow beard which he dropped in the post box earlier (with a starburst). So I should probably get creating the next letter which I shall probably make sure has arrived on the morning of his first school day, to give him that extra boost of bravery for his big day.

It's situations like this that reinforce my whole philosophy that a little bit of effort and randomness really goes a long way and can have such a great impact on a Childs emotional well being.

"Christmas is, of course, the time to be home - in heart as well as body."

Since taking Opeie out of nursery last year , he has refered to our afternoons together while Mrs M is at work and Seth is at school as 'Daddy nursery', which i love. Ive noticed over the last few months though when Opeie has mentioned the term, Seth has looked a little down, almost like he feels he is missing out on some of the fun that we have. A few days back i could hear the boys in their room and Seth was asking Opeie what we do at Daddy nursery. After Opeie excitedly listed off some of the activities we have done recently, Seth came downstairs and asked "can we do a Daddy nursery activity today please?".

Well i wasn't going to say no was I!! Plus the weather wasn't great and doing things at home during the Christmas break is great. There was a fun activity i have wanted to do for some time but just hadn't got round to it, probably because i couldn't find our big roll of paper. Moving house though had unearthed all manner of fun things we had previously misplaced. We started our activity with Opeie lying down on the paper so that we could draw round him...

I thought it would be interesting to get the boys to draw internal body parts. I wanted to see what shape they thought the parts were and the size using Opeie's body outline. Most importantly though i wanted to see where they thought these body parts were located and what they thought their purpose was. I knew that Seth knew this but i was using it as a 'Seth teaches Opeie' activity without him realising as Opeie really takes in everything his big brother tells him.

Seth was very much 'this is what it looks like and this is what it does!' obviously the things he has been learning at school have stuck. As expected his drawings were excellent and it was interesting to learn from Seth. He thought we had one very large lung for the "good stuff we breath in" and a small lung for the "bad stuff we breath out". Also the large and small intestine are virtually the same size. He had no idea what shape the kidneys were but based his drawing around kidney beans which was awesome. Seth also showed an interest in drawing testicles??, which looked like grapes on a thin string, not bad i thought.

Opeie, having very little knowledge of internal body parts was a little more creative with his drawings and descriptions. The stomach (i was informed) has eyes and a mouth, it smiles when it eats nice things like Broccoli and Chocolate but it has a sad face when it eats meat (I'm sure that will make Mrs M smile when she reads this). I also found out that we in fact have three lungs that are all stuck together, kidneys look like donuts and both intestines look like spears. It was cute to see that the heart was 'heart shaped' to Opeie but Seth had drawn a more detailed version of our very important muscular organ.

There were other parts i wanted us to go through but the boys were eager to put their sketches on Opeie's drawn outline out in the hall. We placed the brains on first and when Opeie put his just above where the stomach should be i knew it was going to be interesting.

The human stomach is usually located in the head! or so Opeie says. Seems a long way down for evacuation after your food has been processed in the torso area and sent back up. This may have been placed here though because of the smiley face (it did look cute).

Polly as always came to get involved and was happy plonking herself down in the middle of what we were doing (i wonder if we could do a similar activity with a cat shape?). Intestines in the legs and kidneys in the hips and wrists, it was turning out to be a very fun activity. They both knew exactly where the testicles were located (no surprise there though, remember the planetarium post?).

The activity is a two parter, the next part being me drawing the correct shape/size of the parts and showing where they are located. Seth did an excellent job of explaining to Opeie the purpose of each part drawn, all except the kidneys as he wasn't sure.

Seth wants us to draw around him next so I'm thinking we do a similar activity to talk about bones as Opeie is always talking about skeletons and skulls. Our afternoon of learning gave me a great idea for Opeie's home teaching and something that Seth can be involved with regularly too. A fun afternoon was had by all at Daddy Nursery and clearly Seth loved being a part of it and of course we loved him being there.

"Trust dies but mistrust blossoms."

I wasn't going to write this post as i didn't want to go through it all again but i think it is important for Opeie to have this to look back on and know why we made the choices we did for his well being, (I've used happy photos of Opeie to perk the post up a little). I know to some people when they talk to me I come across as an over protective parent, I'm really not but I do have high expectations about the level of care the boys receive from outside of myself and Mrs M. We seem to be in that minority of parents around us that makes (apparently obscure) decisions about education and the stepping stones of our children's development. I wrote a while back about how difficult it was letting go of Opeie to start nursery even though at the time i believed it was for the best.... It wasn't and our awful experience has guided us in a different direction for future learning.

I didn't want Opeie to go to nursery and neither did Mrs M but we were concerned about the social side of things so we reluctantly took the difficult step. After many nights chatting we finally found the nursery that we thought appropriate for Opeie and our initial visit couldn't have gone better. A very small Montessori nursery in a quiet and private little village with a school attached to move onto. It all seemed perfect but as we found out early on looks can be deceiving and we were left feeling duped.

The staff seemed very motherly and despite the sick feeling in my tummy at the thought of leaving Opeie with someone else, we placed our trust in them (man am I kicking myself now!). The first few weeks seemed great, Opeie enjoyed going and it seemed that we were far more upset than he was. He came home excited and exhausted from the first couple of sessions and with each one came more confidence for us, that was until a few weeks in. I turned up at the building to pick Opeie up one Friday afternoon and I could hear him screaming, he's not a screamer and only cries if he really hurts himself. I walked in to the area where the parents waited, he caught a glimpse of me and attempted to bolt for the door but was held back, as I tried to get into the room I was purposely obstructed by a member of staff who said "let me explain what happened first", my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I asked her to get out of my way and then pushed past to get to Opeie. It seemed he had had a fall earlier in the day and hadn't calmed down (did they call me? No they did not!). At that moment I didn't want an explanation, it was clear Opeie wanted to get home so we left.

Thinking it was just a fall the following week I took Opeie again and he seemed okay but really not himself. The next session though he was very upset before we had even arrived so when we got there I decided to stay with him despite being told "it would be better if you just left". Five minutes after we arrived another little boy was dropped off who was hysterical. Mom quickly left and the little boy sat facing the door she left out of (his face almost touching the wood), screaming. As I sat there trying to calm Opeie down I noticed that none of the staff were attempting to comfort the poor boy. I sat there for 40 minutes with Opeie and the boy sat there still hysterical. What if that had been Opeie? What made it worse was that the Nursery manager was showing a potential new family around and was sitting less than 10 feet from the distressed boy. Had that been us on the day we had been visiting, Opeie would never have attended. Well I got up and angrily left but was followed out of the door by a member of staff desperately trying to find out my issues. I explained that I was disgusted by what I saw , that it was unacceptable and that I expect more for my son. The response I got... "There are a lot of children in today and it's difficult to tend to them all", there were around fifteen children in that day and there were two staff. Shockingly I wasn't contacted that night by the manager, clearly it wasn't an issue and made me feel like it was common practice.

When we got home I started thinking about the Friday he fell down so (although it seemed a little bad) I sat Opeie down for questioning. Opeie may only be three but when something happens he is always very clear with his explanations of events. It turns out that when he fell during outdoor play the only person that came to him was one of the little girls there. Opeie really changed after that day, he became anxious and really didn't want to go to nursery, the mere mention would send him into a panic attack and each time he would clutch his leg (which even now we have no idea why?). I feel so stupid now but I continued to take him. The following session Mrs M came with me as she was home and I needed to discuss the crying boy and my concerns with the manager. The nursery manager gave me an explanation, I told her I still felt the situation was unacceptable but she seemed sincere. But as Mrs M sat across the room with Opeie she picked up on defensive body language a side of this woman I hadn't seen.

Stupidly, I gave them the benefit of the doubt until one morning dropping Opeie in. He was really upset and although it went against everything I believe in as a parent I left him and walked out, but didn't leave the building. I hid, I watched and I listened, as heartbreaking as it was I stayed there for around 45 minutes and no one tried to comfort Opeie, he wasn't hysterical but upset enough to need comforting. It wasn't until I stepped back slightly that the nursery manager spotted me and shot over to Opeie to calm him down. As you can imagine Opeie was removed from the nursery and to this day I still haven't been given an explanation, I asked many many times "how long would you have left him there had you not seen me?" But was made to feel like I didn't deserve a response.

It's amazing sometimes how situations fall into place and a chance encounter in a toy shop got me chatting to another dad whose daughter just happened to be at the same nursery. Surprise surprise he was also taking his child out because she was being bullied (by four year olds). The nursery managers response was apparently 'there's only so much I can do'. It was nice to have it confirmed that it wasn't just us with issues. In fact since leaving, that was only one of three other instances Ive heard about. After our experience I've realised with the nursery in question the word Montessori is in fact just that, a word. We were disgusted by the level of care we saw there and the experience left Opeie with anxiety issues. Thankfully that was many months ago and our panicky little boy is back to his old self.

This ordeal a long with some terrible things we've witnessed or been made aware of at Seth's school has guided us down the home schooling route. What makes me angry is both of these places have a glowing Ofsted report. Which makes it clear that that bit of paper means absolutely nothing at all. The thing I am most angry about is that I let this happen when I should have taken him out at the first problem, its made me realise I need to be a lot firmer in the decisions we make in regards to the boys and that I should always go with my gut instinct when making these decisions.

So now to prepare for a few years of home education, I wont lie I am very excited so some good has come out what we have been through and at least now we know that Opeie is moving in the right direction. 

Reasons to be thankful for Nintendo: de-stressing

Waiting in the drivers seat again while Opeie sleeps, it just seems like the norm these days...

I had an awful morning a few days back and was left feeling very disappointed and quite upset. The care of our children is not to be taken lightly, it takes effort and patience but as I sat that morning at Opeie's nursery and watched a little boy sitting facing a wall (alone), crying and with no one trying to comfort him, calm him down or include him in any of the group activities I thought to myself 'what the hell are we doing here'. I'd rather not have anyone looking after Opeie but us and if I'm honest it annoys me that someone is getting paid to spend time with my best friend but I know being around other children is what Opeie needs at the moment for his development.

Myself and Mrs M spent a lot of time talking about what we wanted for Opeie in regards to care outside of our family and when a nursery came along that suited us I was happy and prepared to place my trust and child in their hands. But as I watched the poor child that morning screaming for his mom and left to get on with it I felt guilty that I was attempting to leave Opeie there while he himself was very upset.

If I'd have left and a parent had told me that's how Opeie had been left I'd have been devastated, not to mention furious. I want and expect a lot more for my child, the boy that has filled me with so much happiness over the years. What would you have done? Well we left, Opeie was really upset and there was no way I was going to leave him to (in my head) possibly be ignored. I was almost in tears myself and the only reason I didn't go and comfort the little boy myself was because I was trying to calm Opeie down. 

There's two sides to every story which I am fully aware of and until I hear that side then I won't be making any rash decisions I just hate that guilty feeling and I'm not used to questioning myself in regards to the big decisions we make for our family. It was a very stressful couple of days.

I know the title of this post doesn't seem to fit the rest of the post but i hadn't been in the best mood that day which can be difficult when trying to entertain a child in a fragile mood. I wasn't going to write the post but as a sat in the car outside Seth's school while Opeie slept I switched on my console (which goes everywhere with me) and felt a sigh of relief. There's something quite comforting about those quiet moments, switching on my 3ds and switching the rest of the world off briefly.  I can always rely on Nintendo to de-stress me when I'm feeling down and when Opeie woke up I could continue my day a little less on edge.

Now back to my game...

Feeling like I'd lost a limb...

It's 10:45am and I am parked up in the car on a miserable day feeling pretty miserable myself. People always say when you have children time flies by and when you don't have children you think 'yeah yeah'. Peoples comments though, no matter how often you hear them don't prepare you for your life moving in to warp speed. Ive been dreading this day for around a year and the build up to it has got harder and harder.

Today was Opeies Nursery trial day and was the first time we have left Opeie with someone else and it's heartbreaking. He's always been right at my side apart from one afternoon where I left him with our friend Chris for 20 minutes while I had something to do (I thought I was going to be sick the whole 20 minutes and couldn't stop shaking). Yes I know it probably sounds mental but he's such a huge part of me and being away from him really isn't a nice feeling.

We were really careful when choosing Opeie's nursery, we knew exactly what we didn't want and were lucky enough to find what we did early in our search, it didn't make this day any easier though. When I woke up this morning I felt a wreck. We packed his bag and got him ready and Opeie was in a very happy mood, completely unaware of where he was going.

We arrived at the nursery and as I expected the staff put me at ease. We chatted while Opeie played and he looked relaxed but sadly it was a completely different story for me as I was desperately trying to fight back the tears. There was a chance that when we left Opeie would panic and be really upset and although that thought was quite upsetting the thing that was worrying me more was him not being like that. I know that comment sounds awful and of course I don't ever want him to be upset but selfishly I'm worried about becoming obsolete and also the thought that we will be paying someone else to have fun with my best friend just doesn't seem right. 

I planned on staying at the nursery as long as I could but as I watched Opeie happily playing with the other children I decided I needed to just get a grip. I told him I was going and he gave me a kiss and said 'Okay' no questions asked. He's becoming so independent and it scares me, he'll be at school before we know it and then what will I do with myself?

I planned on sitting in the car for the 3 hours he was there without us but we had a text from the nursery saying he had been fine and had even happily gone to the loo himself so we headed home. The drive back felt so weird without him being in the back and when we got home we practically sat in silence on the sofa, what were we meant to do now? before we knew it though it was soon time for us to head back and get him and we couldn't wait. Our happy eco system was finally restored and although Opeie looked shattered he was happy and excited, telling us what he had been up to. Today was just a trial day but he'll start soon and I have no idea how I'll feel, but as Ive realised today its not all about me, its about my best friend who I have been smitten by since day one.