"Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment."

We've got so much going on at the moment that the blog has suffered a little over the last few weeks, but I'll be back on track soon. The exciting build Up to Christmas is in mid flow now and with under three weeks to go it's all the boys are talking about.

With letters to Santa sent, the boys wait patiently for the big day. Opeie knows exactly what he would like from Santa and has made it very clear what is at the top of his wish list. Where as Seth (and his old thoughtful head) as always has been unbelievably caring and has asked for only one thing for himself (in fact it is something for him and Opeie to share which is even cuter), anything else he would like to be given to children that don't have mommies or daddies, my heart could melt.

This selflessness that we get every year from Seth is rubbing off onto his little brother and I couldn't be more proud of the both of the them. They are such well rounded children. The countdown to the big day is already getting to be so exciting and I am thoroughly looking forward to spending some quality family time with the people I adore the most.

"Trust dies but mistrust blossoms."

I wasn't going to write this post as i didn't want to go through it all again but i think it is important for Opeie to have this to look back on and know why we made the choices we did for his well being, (I've used happy photos of Opeie to perk the post up a little). I know to some people when they talk to me I come across as an over protective parent, I'm really not but I do have high expectations about the level of care the boys receive from outside of myself and Mrs M. We seem to be in that minority of parents around us that makes (apparently obscure) decisions about education and the stepping stones of our children's development. I wrote a while back about how difficult it was letting go of Opeie to start nursery even though at the time i believed it was for the best.... It wasn't and our awful experience has guided us in a different direction for future learning.

I didn't want Opeie to go to nursery and neither did Mrs M but we were concerned about the social side of things so we reluctantly took the difficult step. After many nights chatting we finally found the nursery that we thought appropriate for Opeie and our initial visit couldn't have gone better. A very small Montessori nursery in a quiet and private little village with a school attached to move onto. It all seemed perfect but as we found out early on looks can be deceiving and we were left feeling duped.

The staff seemed very motherly and despite the sick feeling in my tummy at the thought of leaving Opeie with someone else, we placed our trust in them (man am I kicking myself now!). The first few weeks seemed great, Opeie enjoyed going and it seemed that we were far more upset than he was. He came home excited and exhausted from the first couple of sessions and with each one came more confidence for us, that was until a few weeks in. I turned up at the building to pick Opeie up one Friday afternoon and I could hear him screaming, he's not a screamer and only cries if he really hurts himself. I walked in to the area where the parents waited, he caught a glimpse of me and attempted to bolt for the door but was held back, as I tried to get into the room I was purposely obstructed by a member of staff who said "let me explain what happened first", my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I asked her to get out of my way and then pushed past to get to Opeie. It seemed he had had a fall earlier in the day and hadn't calmed down (did they call me? No they did not!). At that moment I didn't want an explanation, it was clear Opeie wanted to get home so we left.

Thinking it was just a fall the following week I took Opeie again and he seemed okay but really not himself. The next session though he was very upset before we had even arrived so when we got there I decided to stay with him despite being told "it would be better if you just left". Five minutes after we arrived another little boy was dropped off who was hysterical. Mom quickly left and the little boy sat facing the door she left out of (his face almost touching the wood), screaming. As I sat there trying to calm Opeie down I noticed that none of the staff were attempting to comfort the poor boy. I sat there for 40 minutes with Opeie and the boy sat there still hysterical. What if that had been Opeie? What made it worse was that the Nursery manager was showing a potential new family around and was sitting less than 10 feet from the distressed boy. Had that been us on the day we had been visiting, Opeie would never have attended. Well I got up and angrily left but was followed out of the door by a member of staff desperately trying to find out my issues. I explained that I was disgusted by what I saw , that it was unacceptable and that I expect more for my son. The response I got... "There are a lot of children in today and it's difficult to tend to them all", there were around fifteen children in that day and there were two staff. Shockingly I wasn't contacted that night by the manager, clearly it wasn't an issue and made me feel like it was common practice.

When we got home I started thinking about the Friday he fell down so (although it seemed a little bad) I sat Opeie down for questioning. Opeie may only be three but when something happens he is always very clear with his explanations of events. It turns out that when he fell during outdoor play the only person that came to him was one of the little girls there. Opeie really changed after that day, he became anxious and really didn't want to go to nursery, the mere mention would send him into a panic attack and each time he would clutch his leg (which even now we have no idea why?). I feel so stupid now but I continued to take him. The following session Mrs M came with me as she was home and I needed to discuss the crying boy and my concerns with the manager. The nursery manager gave me an explanation, I told her I still felt the situation was unacceptable but she seemed sincere. But as Mrs M sat across the room with Opeie she picked up on defensive body language a side of this woman I hadn't seen.

Stupidly, I gave them the benefit of the doubt until one morning dropping Opeie in. He was really upset and although it went against everything I believe in as a parent I left him and walked out, but didn't leave the building. I hid, I watched and I listened, as heartbreaking as it was I stayed there for around 45 minutes and no one tried to comfort Opeie, he wasn't hysterical but upset enough to need comforting. It wasn't until I stepped back slightly that the nursery manager spotted me and shot over to Opeie to calm him down. As you can imagine Opeie was removed from the nursery and to this day I still haven't been given an explanation, I asked many many times "how long would you have left him there had you not seen me?" But was made to feel like I didn't deserve a response.

It's amazing sometimes how situations fall into place and a chance encounter in a toy shop got me chatting to another dad whose daughter just happened to be at the same nursery. Surprise surprise he was also taking his child out because she was being bullied (by four year olds). The nursery managers response was apparently 'there's only so much I can do'. It was nice to have it confirmed that it wasn't just us with issues. In fact since leaving, that was only one of three other instances Ive heard about. After our experience I've realised with the nursery in question the word Montessori is in fact just that, a word. We were disgusted by the level of care we saw there and the experience left Opeie with anxiety issues. Thankfully that was many months ago and our panicky little boy is back to his old self.

This ordeal a long with some terrible things we've witnessed or been made aware of at Seth's school has guided us down the home schooling route. What makes me angry is both of these places have a glowing Ofsted report. Which makes it clear that that bit of paper means absolutely nothing at all. The thing I am most angry about is that I let this happen when I should have taken him out at the first problem, its made me realise I need to be a lot firmer in the decisions we make in regards to the boys and that I should always go with my gut instinct when making these decisions.

So now to prepare for a few years of home education, I wont lie I am very excited so some good has come out what we have been through and at least now we know that Opeie is moving in the right direction. 

“When you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.”

Sometimes in life and I'm sure it happens to pretty much everyone, you go through a rough patch. Maybe everything is getting on top of you, you've had to make a life changing decision, Lost a close family member or friend. Whatever it is that's going on its nice to know that you have people out there looking out for you. Its lovely to know that Mrs M, the boys and M's family are there for me and i will never take that for granted. Sometimes though people you have only known for a short time do the most amazing kind things.

We had had a really awful few weeks,  it was just one bad thing after another being thrown at us and it had got to the point where we were wondering 'whats next?' 'How could things get any worse?'. We're really positive people and i like to think we work hard at making our own good fortune but sometimes things are out of your control and things can very quickly get on top of you.

Last Sunday, early morning there was a knock at the door and i thought 'great whats this now?' as i said loads has been going on and it was causing me to be a little pessimistic in regards to daily situations, no body knocks our door on a Sunday morning unexpectedly. I opened the door and there stood a courier holding a package. Couriers don't generally come on Sundays so that was a surprise in itself, i signed for the package and said goodbye. As i turned to close the door i opened the package and stood silent for a minute before saying 'what?' in a loudish voice. Mrs M, Clearly feeling as pessimistic as i, called through the house 'Oh no, what is it?' I walked into the room smiling from ear to ear. Mrs M repeated 'what is it?' in a slightly more abrupt voice so i handed her the package.

Now I'm not going to tell you what was in that package (sorry), I'm not even going to mention who it was from (but i know you will read this so again thank you.), the important part of the story is the sentiment. The package was from another blogging family. A kind and caring group of people that we already felt lucky to call friends before this event. It seems that they had been thinking about us and the unfortunate list of things that had happened to us over the previous weeks and wanted to let us know this in a very thoughtful way. When speaking to them to say thank you they explained that they too had been in a similar situation once and someone had done something similar for them and they felt they wanted to share it with us.

I would usually be quite clear about the fact i have lost my faith in humanity, let down by my extended family and friends i thought were close. But recently we have been lucky enough to meet a few people who have quickly become our close friends, people we can trust and people we have a lot of time for. This gesture of kindness has had a huge impact on us because it has made us realise even more so that our friends are watching out for us.

Sundays surprise package set something in to motion and since then we've had one piece of good news after another. It seems our life now has a new path, There are big things later in the year to look forward to, and a new company to work with on the blog (which i am really excited about). Its great to know that despite recent events we can start moving forward again with smiles on our faces. I feel so lucky at the moment to have the friends and family that we do and i hope (although i know!) we can be there for them as much as they have been there for us!

“When I give, I give myself”

Seth has made me so proud this Christmas in fact both our boys have proved once again how thoughtful and kind they are and overall how much they love each other. The week we came back from our holiday we brought up the subject of this years letter to Santa. Now Seth knows what a good boy he is, there's no fear of ever being on the naughty list so he would be well within his right to request anything, this is Santa we are talking about after all. That night he disappeared to his bedroom and returned with this...

'Dear santa claws pleas cud you bring homeless children some presents and pleas cud I have a sprise. Thank you'

I could have cried when reading it. Seth proceeded to explain that he didn't really need anything this year and he would like some things to go to people that really need it, he really is one of a kind. Of course we had planned to help out people less fortunate than us as we always do but more so now for Seth's very kind request. His selflessness didn't stop there though. Seth had made it quite clear that there was a specific present that he would like to buy for Opeie, we explained that it may take Seth some time to save for it, but Seth said he wanted to save his pocket money and do whatever he needed to make sure his special little brother got this special gift. So over the last week we have been clearing Seth's room of unwanted toys and selling them on so that he would have the money for his Christmas gift. 

Today was the day that we finally made the £40 that he needed after selling his unwanted things and also a few nights back helping Mrs M to part with £5 for a bulk payment of smoochies. That never works for me! One of the great things about this situation is that it has taught Seth that items such as these don't come easily, it has taught him a valuable lesson in the value of money and what it takes to get what you want. A lesson that i think would be beneficial to all children. He couldn't wait to go to the shops so after tea  I said I'd take him. Seth looked so chuffed as he paid the shop assistant and i assume he will be even happier when he sees the happiness on Opeie's face.

It seems that Opeie too has taken on his brothers kind nature too, today i sold some of Seth's unwanted books to one of the moms at the school. I handed her her £1 change and she kindly handed it to Opeie and said this is for you, he looked so excited and couldn't wait to show Seth and Mrs M. When i asked him what he wanted to spend his money on he simply replied 'Christmas present for Seth'.

It seems we are bringing the boys up just right. great morals and a sense of selflessness that you don't see a lot in children these days. I'll say it again, I'm so very proud of the way they are turning out and i am very smitten by my two Special boys.

Part of the story may have resulted in the purchase of an item but the words of Dr. Seuss are permanently etched in to our family's ethos...

A very thoughtful Mrs M

We all get stressed out around the house at some point, as a stay at home dad there never seems to be enough hours in the day to get things done. My main stress causer is the fact that we seem to spend a ridiculous amount of time cleaning the house yet there is so much 'stuff' crammed into our home that it never looks tidy. Mrs M did the stay at home parent thing with Seth so she fully understands that its the little thoughtful acts around the house that make all the difference. Most children fully crave your attention which is understandable but sometimes you really need to get things done so its these 'little thoughtful acts' that i really appreciate.

On Monday mornings i go to pick up our food shopping for the week and although that doesn't seem very stressful, putting the shopping away can be. Opeie insists on holding on to my legs or trying to help unpack the shopping which although helpful can also be a little dangerous with all of the obstacles on the floor. As Mrs M leaves after us, after heading out on the school run she sets up toys in the hall to keep Opeie entertained for when we walk through the door with the shopping. simple, effective and very thoughtful.

Yesterday morning when we came back Mrs M had left us a picnic basket with a blanket, books, drinks and snacks, everything we needed for a relaxing time in the garden while the sun was out. Unfortunately it was far to cold to go out so we ended up having our book reading picnic on Seth's bedroom floor. The little thoughtful things really do matter and its these caring acts that really strengthen our relationship and keep us a happy family.