Friday 17 May 2013

"To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often"

 As I sat In the cinema on my own a last week I was thinking a lot about how different my life had become over the last 3 years. I was never the sort of person that would have gone to the cinema on my own. In fact I would look at the people in the cinema on their own and think 'its such a shame that they have no friends, how does that happen?' How naive I was. I don't live near any of my close friends and Mrs M being my best friend makes it impossible for us to do anything together (at least until Opeie is a little older).

So anyway there I was, the first time I went alone it felt odd but now it just seems like the norm. I wanted to see the film so going alone it was. It wasn't just the cinema habits that had changed though, there are much more significant changes. I think I have done all I can to avoid responsibility in my life. I've had management work positions but if I'm honest I never really took them seriously, in fact i never really took anything seriously. It was all about partying for me and any chance i could get to wear something crazy I'd be all over it. I lived for my own personal time. But now I find myself with limited personal time and in the most responsible position I could ever be in, the work of a stay at home dad never ends it is a 24 hour a day job and its the happiest I have ever been.

I don't crave time on my own anymore, I tend to feel bad when I am not with my family because although there are times when there are things I need to do and places I need to be all I really want is to be With Mrs M and the boys. They are the best and most reliable friends I have ever had. If someone had have told me a few years ago that this is where my life would be I probably would have just laughed. Just goes to show what the love of a great woman and a stable relationship can do.

Some people really take for granted what they have. As I mentioned in a previous post, life is about moments, no matter how trivial, they are all important. When your truly happy (and sometimes that doesn't happen a lot) you need to fully embrace your situation. I've come a long way since being that guy whose main concern was 'what colour shall I dye my hair next' (not that i have that option anymore) or 'where shall I have my next tattoo' but when I think about it I wasn't happy I was just filling my life with unimportant things, in fact I wasn't really living, I think I was just going through the motions. It's a shame really but I think if I had had children earlier in my life I wouldn't have appreciated being a dad like I do now. Sometimes going through all the rubbish, disfunctional relationships, and general awkwardness is just want you need to prepare yourself for that one magical relationship.

 I still haven't grown up, i mess around, I'm laid back and i still try not to take things too seriously, the costumes may have changed but now i have a great reason for it. The boys laugh when i show them old pictures of myself and Mrs M is always entertained by crazy stories of my past. Sometimes i cringe when i think of the person i once was but i have no regrets. All the bad, the crazy and the cringe worthy has made me who i am today.

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