Fighting for Independent Midwifery

There doesn't seem to be a day go by where i don't think about the hardships we've been through as a  family to get to where we are today and when thinking of this my thoughts always come to one very special lady in particular...

The day after my 30th birthday we had the greatest news i could have ever asked for, Mrs M was excitedly waving a first response test in the air with a huge smile on her face. We were going to have a baby, my first child. I was filled with excitement and couldn't stop smiling. I had wanted children since i was about 16, i always knew i wanted to be a dad but unfortunately unstable relationships and bad life style choices prevented this from happening. This was finally my time though and i was going to embrace it fully. I had no idea what to expect i just knew that what ever happened if it all went smoothly it was going to be everything i ever wanted.

The first few weeks were like being in a bubble, the thoughts of being a dad were taking over everything i did, I started buying toys and clothes and anything that looked fun. But then things changed, Mrs M started to get very sick and was spending more and more time in bed. She had suffered with severe sickness while pregnant with Seth but this was something else. Mrs M has serious anxiety issues with hospitals and the NHS in general (and after what we have been through i now understand why). We had a long talk one day and decided that hiring an IM (Independent Midwife) was the right thing to do. I wanted Mrs M to be as comfortable as she could and having someone at he end of the phone or there in person whenever we needed them made a lot of sense.

We contacted Amanda from http://www.bactonormality.eu/ and as soon a we met her we knew we wanted her to be with us on this amazing and soon to be emotional journey. I remember her leaving our house and us looking at each other and both saying how lovely she was. Things on the pregnancy front started to deteriorate and Mrs M was spending more and more time in bed. She was being sick 40ish times a day and it became very debilitating for her. I decided to keep a diary from the day i found out Mrs M was pregnant and i kept it up filling 4 books, Sometimes i think i should read through it all but i can't bring myself to go through it again as i think i would find it too upsetting.

Visits to the GP seemed like a waste of time and there was many hospital visits where the outcome was us being fobbed off and sent home. One Friday night Mrs M was so ill she collapsed, i think she had got to the point where she couldn't take anymore and we phoned for an ambulance. Seth was asleep and Mrs M didn't want to wake him so she went alone i was so upset with the way things were going. Not long after she got to the hospital she was being sent home and was made to feel like she was wasting their time. The following morning Amanda contacted a different hospital, came and picked her up and took her in and that's where she stayed for the night. She was dangerously dehydrated and was put on a drip but then again sent home the following day with doctors claiming she was fine. Four days later she was suffering with severe chest pains so we went to the GP who told us that it was probably a 'strained lung' but could be a possible PE but was sent away. When we got home we rang Amanda who told us that if there is a 'possible PE' then the protocol is to be sent to hospital by blue light as they can instantly kill you. So again this was not taken seriously and our INDEPENDENT MIDWIFE acted on what was happening. At the hospital they found 2 Pulmonary embolisms (blood clots) in her lung and the doctor gave Mrs M a 1 in 3 chance of survival. This is where i started to realise why she was so anxious about the NHS, all that fobbing off yet our IM Amanda did everything she could to help us out many times going beyond what her job entailed

Mrs M was prescribed many different drugs that seemed to have no effect and everytime a GP told us there were no other drugs to try Amanda did her research and found something else for us to ask our GP to prescribe. You could tell that both the GP'S and Hospital staff were getting annoyed with Amanda's contribution to our situation but the NHS were not giving us the level of care that they seem to think they are known for. There's a reason why there are private hospitals and Independent midwives, people want to feel looked after and we didn't want to feel like another item on a hospital conveyor belt.

The most significant part of this story is that while Amanda was doing everything she could to help us, researching every aspect of what was happening with Mrs M the GP's, Doctors and hospital staff had only one option for us to get Mrs M back on the road to recovery.... WE WERE OFFERED A TERMINATION over and over again, to the point were we sat together and talked and although we were both so upset we decided it was the right thing to do for Mrs M's health and booked an appointment at the GP to talk about it. We sat in the surgery and all i could think about was how this was going to make Mrs M feel down the line. We had the support of a great and very knowledgeable midwife but pure desperation was pushing us where we didn't want to go. While waiting a woman sat down next to us with a new born and we must have been thinking the same thing because when we sat down in the Dr's office neither of us said a word. We walked out and decided we were going to fight it, we had the support and full attention of an independent midwife, we were going to be fine.

Weeks went by and although Mrs M didn't get any better and there was lot's of time spent in hospital our Independent Midwife was there when ever we needed her at anytime of the day. Knowing that she had a special phone (which she called the Batphone, Seth loved that!) and was always on the end of it made Mrs M and myself relax just that little bit.

On the morning of Opeie's birth 2 Midwives and a trainee midwife came to our aid in the middle of the night and we were completely looked after. Although we all did everything we could for us to have the home water birth we had planned more complications occured and we had to be transfered in to hospital but Amanda never left our side and the other 2 were close by and this was very important to us. Opeie finally arrived, big, healthy and completely unaware of the trouble he had caused (little tinker). As happy as we were as a family this wasn't the end of Mrs M's health issues but our Independent Midwife's after care was truly amazing and was still there for us every time we needed her. Opeie wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the love,attention and dedication she puts in to her work everyday.

If your a regular reader then your probably wondering why the long, personal detailed post

so I'll hand over to Mrs M...

Independent Midwives are going to be made illegal from October 2013, because the government is basically insisting that any Private health professional has full indemnity insurance, although midwives are Insured to do their jobs, an indemnity insurance doesn't exist, making it impossible for them to practice. ( Hands tied basically )

Which means, that from October 2013, women wanting an independent midwife won't be able to choose the care they want. They won't be able to choose the birth they want, as the NHS pigeon holes women into 'High Risk' for anything from being over 30 BMI, to having a previous section, ( which yes, has risks, but I know plenty of women who've had safe water births after a section) and lots of other reasons.

So, if you're a woman or man, wanting to give women a simple human right, the choice where/ when/ how they give birth, please sign the petition below, we need 150,000 signatures to force the government to speak about it in parliament.

I beg you to sign this petition: 

http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/44382

Opeie wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Amanda , and I doubt I would be either.

Below is a short video with more details. please take the time to watch and thank you for your support it really means a lot to us as a family.

"Big R, little r, Rosy Robin Ross. Rosy's going riding on her red rhinoceros"

Opeie's speech has really developed over the last few weeks and he is starting to pick up things very quickly. The week before last he counted to 12 completely out of the blue on his own, myself and Mrs M were speechless, were so proud of him. Opeie is a huge book worm and quite often throughout the day he will come to us saying 'book' and then will happily have 10 books read to him in a row. This morning i read 7 Dr Seuss books and 2 books that we got Mrs M for Mothers day. Everytime you turn a page when reading Opeie will call out all the things on the page that he knows, it's adorable.

We've been working on his alphabet for quite some time and although he can say the letters when copying us he still struggles a little with the dreaded letter 'W'. As he is loving Dr Seuss at the moment the Dr Seuss ABC book has been great for teaching him the letters and it's also one of my favourite of his books.

I didn't really get into Dr Seuss until my late teens but i fell in love the first time i read 'The Grinch' and it's something i wanted to install in the boys, much the same as Mrs M and her Dick Bruna books. I love anything that builds a child's imagination, the illustrations are beautifully done and the rhymes although simple and sometimes made up are perfectly executed...

Avengers Assemble!!

 

That is all...

You never see Spider-man going food shopping!!!

Going food shopping is grim! as my friend Chris put it tonight 'It's a chore'. It's not just the standing at the end of the checkout watching the final item getting swiped through and realising that you've spent 3 times what you had planned (although it add's to the experience) but more the aisle upon aisle of supermarket zombies walking around filling their trollies in a daze (that Includes me), there's something about walking through those doors that sends me into a trance and why is it I can never remember what I need? Even if we've written a list I still manage to forget something important like loo roll. Mrs M says I spend most of my time walking round with my head in the clouds, the supermarket just seems to magnify that.

Luckily today mine and Opeie's silent agreement has kicked in and he dropped off right before we arrived, Perfect timing. Thus leaving Mrs M to go in rather than me as she shops like a grown up and I'm more likely to hit the toy aisle and add a minifigure or two. well I have to add something to make the experience more exciting. If your a regular reader then you'll know that I love this time in the car to reflect, or in this case have a little man moan.

At least when we get home i can take advantage of all the goodies that Mrs M has picked up so at least that's something. Fingers crossed this is the last time we will have to come this week.  

Rant over...

"Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory."

Despite many failed attempts it finally seems that we have crossed the bath time hurdle with Opeie, it's been a long and frustrating process but we're now at the point (like this morning) where he is actually crying to get in the bath rather than out and seems more than happy to have his hair washed. Fingers crossed this is how things will stay. Thanks to Nuby he has more than enough things to keep him Occupied in the tub and as i write this Mrs M has just started coughing and spluttering because she yawned and Opeie shot her in the mouth with Squid the Squirter so thanks to Nuby also for my boy becoming quite the marksman.

This may have been a frustrating time but its only setting us up for the inevitable potty training saga which I'm sure is just around the corner (should be fun). Its great to know that he's in to a good routine now and enjoys being in the bath and brushing his teeth (even more so now with his new Spider-man toothbrush, thanks Nanny Roo and Grandad). He's really growing up fast and although Mrs M wanted her little baby to stay that way forever I'm really glad that he's now starting to understand things a bit more and is a lot more independent.

Congratulations Opeie on your latest victory me and mommy are very proud of you.

You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So... get on your way!”

So, The last 24 hours have been really good! I'm always grateful for everyday since being ill, but sometimes things start to look even rosier than they did the day before. Yesterday after I published the Mother's day post that I finished off, I got a phone call unexpectedly from a guy who had interviewed me a few weeks before, to say out of 440 people ( I know, loads!) I'd got the job! I was so happy, it is a brilliant job, and I am so happy as it will bring so much more opportunity our way. This morning, with a spring in my step, I headed out to my course I've been doing to gain some extra qualifications for my career. I had a really good few hours with some interesting case studies, and ideas flying around. When I was done I was greeted in the snow ( Yes, snow! ) by Pauly and Opeie, in a steamy car, which was toasty warm and welcoming! Opeie was grasping a new book by Dr. Seuss , and Pauly had Dr Seuss Green Eggs & Ham being sung by Bob Dylan on the iPod & stereo..... an interesting combination I can tell you! 
I think that Dr Seuss can teach children some amazing things, not only how to have an imagination, explore, and how it's important not to take life too seriously, but also how it's important to see the positives.  

When we finally got home after a trip to Holland and Barrett for Dairy/Soya free snacks for Opeie, a trip to Tesco ( eugh) for yummy veg, and a sit in the car whilst I fed Opeie milk til he fell asleep, whilst also car dancing to this song.... we got home, and Opeie decided he wanted to do some colouring in pages from Dr Seuss.

After the boys had been bathed, they did some more colouring in, and then watched Cat in the Hat on TV and also on the Macbook simultaneously.... these crazy boys have a new way of multitasking! They did some more colouring in, played with the Florida Thing 1 and Thing 2 toys, and looked at the books Pauly bought from the charity shop earlier.

All in all, a busy, happy, fun few hours! I've really got into Dr Seuss the last couple of years, especially since we went to Florida, it's such a colourful and happy place. This weekend we watched 'Cat In The Hat' from a few years ago, you know the one with Mike Myers? Well, I fell in love with it! Not so much the actual story, as I know that off by heart ( it's a great story ) but I love the costumes, set and colours!

I've decided our new house when we get round to moving will resemble that house. Maybe I will dress the boys as Thing 1 and Thing 2 .... watch this space!

Celebrating Mama's Day the Gifts From The Pirates way

Although today is a really happy day I still get a little sad this time of year due to a bad relationship with my own Mom. When i was very little i wasn't really interested in Mother's or Father's Day, I even remember moaning to my sisters once that there should be a son and daughter day. Now I've got older I have realised that it wasn't just me being a selfish little shit but more that neither my Mom or my Dad made much of an effort with the others big day and if they did i honestly don't remember it? Which really just showed how unhappy they both were. I may not have my own mom in my life but i feel very lucky to have Mrs M's Mom, She more than makes up for what i am missing and i know she really loves me, Mrs M and the boys.

Mothers day is really important in our house because... well Mrs M is AMAZING. She really looks after all of us, not just the boys. Plus with everything that she went through during Opeie's pregnancy, treating her like a princess on Mother's day is the least we can do as a family to say thank you for being around (not that she's not treated like a princess every day). Mrs M puts everything she has in to the development of our boys, I think we're a great team. We have the same parenting views and I think that's really important when you have children plus (and it does help) we are so in love with each other and I have so much respect for her.

  Opeie is too young at the moment but I think i have explained to Seth how important the day is. He gets really excited so I know he understands. We've had sneaky half hours here and there over the last few weeks to prepare for the big event and the boys have been their usual creative selves. Seth decided that he wanted to make a card and create a canvas with all the things Mrs M loves. This included Giraffes, Miffy, Elf (the movie),Katy Perry, Trees,  Make Up, Singing, Orla Kiely, Rod Campbell, Flowers, Yankee candles and of course the four of us...

Opeie decided that he wanted his to be a reminder to Mommy of all the things he loves... well Spider-man to be precise...

What i loved most about this year was that Seth had some surprises of his own that even I didn't know about, Seth had obviously been busy at school and had brought home some things that he had made, wrapped and hidden in his school bag. Mrs M was very touched by the decoration he had made and the Certificate for 'Best Mom Award', It's quite an achievment but we all knew eventually she would get some serious recognition for it.

I'll leave you with Mrs M now as she wants to finish off this post and I'll excitedly but patiently wait for the next 3 months and 6 days (you know what I'm talking about).

I've had SUCH a lovely day! Yay for Mother's Day! My boys have made me some lovely things, bought me some lovely books, and drawn me some cute cards! Mother's day is such a lovely day, not just for myself, or my own Mom... I like to thank all Mother lovers, especially Midwives, Doulas, and other lovely people. Being a Mom is the best thing in the world, ever- creating a lovely family, full of lovely memories. The boys make me laugh so much, Seth, Opeie and Pauly 33.3% equally!

Seth said to me today " I'm not having a day off anymore, yesterday I had Tae Kwan Do, and had to tidy my room, and today I've had to do numeracy, I'm more exhausted when I'm at home than when I'm at school, I need a Holiday!"

Last night right before bed, Opeie counted to 10 by himself, without any prompting from us, and then looked so proud of himself. He then did some funny talking!

And Pauly, well, where do I start? We have the same humor, and be laugh all the time. I'm so lucky. He puts up with my crazy dancing in the midnight hours, and doesn't take the micky. I could sit and write all night about our crazy humor, and silly things we get upto. 

Being a Mom to my boys is lovely, I 'spose I kind of Mother Pauly too, as his Mother is a waste of space and hasn't been much of a Mom to him. However I don't mind, being a Mother to three is lovely, even if their combined age is 41.

My ever loving gaze. Smitten since day one.

 If people could see me at home I'm sure they would think i was a bit of a mental case. Earlier this evening Mrs M said she was going in the bath and after the hectic day she has had with yet another night of minimal sleep kicking it off (thanks to that little cherub of ours... Or mine according to Mrs M when he's been a tinker), It was clear that she would be wanting to relax in the tub without said cherub using the bath for this weeks superhero scuba class. So i grabbed the duvet so that we could snuggle on the sofa and give mommy some peace and quiet. Opeie requested 'Cat in the Hat' as he's going through a Dr Seuss phase at the moment (which I'm loving).

Opeie was engrossed in the cat's escapades and as usual i found myself engrossed in Opeie. I spent the entire 30 minutes of the cartoon staring at him and smiling, do any of you other parents find yourself doing this? is this normal behaviour? I find him fascinating! Becoming a dad is by far the greatest thing i have ever done and will ever do in my life and the boys give me never ending entertainment. I spend most of my day with Opeie with a huge smile on my face and i have shed many a happy tear just because he is around. The day we brought him home Myself and Mrs M curled up on the sofa and had a good cry. Being a dad is so overwhelming and something i would never take for granted, i have been through a lot in life to get me to this point. A few weeks after he arrived i took him out in the car to get him to sleep and as he drifted off i was watching him in the mirror and i burst in to tears, i had to pull over to let it all out. I was quite the teary mess over those first few weeks.

I was smitten by Opeie within seconds of Mrs M waving the pregnancy test at me and i knew from that moment i would do anything in my power to make sure he was always happy. He's a very smiley and excited boy so i know we're doing a great job, i really hope he's always like that. We wont be having any more children due to issues with the pregnancy so i knew i wanted to be at home with Opeie, i didn't want to miss anything. Spending as much time with your children in the first few years is really important, i wanted to have a really strong bond with him early on.

Opeie is going to be two in a few weeks and i cant believe how quickly he is growing up. The last two years have gone by with the blink of an eye but we have had such an amazing time together so far and our family is so strong. I really couldn't ask for more amazing people in my life. His speech is coming on beautifully and so many of the things that come out of his mouth make my heart melt. I'm sure when he wakes up in the morning and we are back on the sofa cuddling again i will go back to my Opeie induced catatonic state, but having a child as beautiful as him how could i not.

"A man can be destroyed but not defeated."

Apparently nothing lasts forever, that couldn't be more true than when talking about thing's we build in our house. Weeks back I wrote a post about the Lego ice-cream parlour that we built, it took us a couple of weeks to build, yet took about two seconds to destroy. Opeie had been playing with it on The floor when Seth slipped off his chair, tried to keep himself up, lost his balance and went bum first through it. I couldn't stop laughing, Seth on the other hand being the sensitive little chap that he is had a little breakdown.

Thinking i was going to go mad, Seth instantly burst in to tears, looked up with very sad and worried eyes and said "I'm really sorry, I'll do anything, I'm so sorry", bless him. I thought that the fact that i was in hysterics would be comforting for him and would stop him feeling bad but it unfortunately just made the situation worse. After about 20 minutes he calmed down but sadly still didn't see the funny side. I really wish i had have been filming him at the time as his face was priceless.

So what do we do next? what shall we build in its place? Do you guys have any ideas? We only built this because of an idea given to us by one of our readers so if you would like to see us have a go at something then feel free to send your idea's our way and if it gets our creative juices flowing you might just see it on here over the coming weeks. Then you may also see it again a few weeks later when one of the boys have ended up on top of it. That's the great thing about Lego, it may break but that's just a reason to build another interesting piece, the reincarnation of a great toy.

"We cast a shadow on something wherever we stand."

I love how excited Opeie gets about EVERYTHING, it would be amazing to be him for a day. When your an innocent child of 2 many of the things you experience on a daily basis are completely new to you, going through that again would be amazing. In the kitchen today while we were cooking there was a small Moth like insect flying about low and it blew Opeie's tiny mind. He was running about and screaming excitably shouting fly with a big smile on his face.

Today was also the first time Opeie has really paid full attention to his shadow, the school playground became the perfect play area for him and his over sized silhouette, as he chased it about, it's such a shame that as an adult most of us become hardened to the simple fun things that happen day to day.

Here's to being a big kid myself.